the pop song

In your cousin car, leading to an underground night club, hoping for something unusual to happen, yet knowing that nothing would, drinking some industrialized vodka with lemon, talking bullshit, trying to forget something that you actually can't.

Getting stressed because one of your friends was barricated on the entrance to the night club, drinking some beer, talking with a friend living something so different yet so similar to what you're living, smoking one light cigarrete, and another, and another.

Saying goodbye to all of your friends, talking to a girl that looks so much like the one your head is all fucked up about, walking all alone trying to find something to do on the tiny night club, watching a muted t.v. just because some anime was being broadcasted, finishing your last can of beverage.

Talking to friend that you want to leave the place, dancing my bloody valentine's "only shallow", paying your bill, exiting the club, talking about your mother and father in the cab with that same friend that you talked about leaving the place.

Yet, there's more to say. Feeling lonely, lonely, lonely, trying hard to get used to this feeling that you were once so used to. Feeling your heart ache with the possibilities that one might have. Trying to erase those stupid little toughts that have no point at all. Thinking about writing on your web log.

In front of your computer, feeling cold, feeling down, feeling what you've never actually realized you'd feel, because you've postponed this moment forever.

Realizing that everybody is empty, and that you dont have any real friends, and that you must go on searching for your truth. Even if it is alone, and feeling like you're no longer an unity, but pieces of what you once were mixed with splashes of what you became.

Trying to find your glasses in the huge mess your room is right know, thinking about the trip you're about to have, thinking about everything in your like with absolutely no perspective at all.

Questioning yourself weather you should kill yourself or not, but then realizing that you're not a child anymore and that you should face your fears, troubles and depressions with a fist up.

This fist meaning "fuck off", without really meaning it, just childish protection, just so that you don't cry your heart out all over again.

***

eu poderia escrever a noite inteira. eu poderia dizer coisas a noite inteira. mas prefiro ficar por aqui. e prefiro proclamar meu amor a unica que realmente o merece. a única que sempre esteve ao meu lado o tempo inteiro e que conhece meu toque como ninguém mais.

a minha guitarra.